Last night you were being contrary. I, like a child, reacted in anger. I was mean and hateful to you. I even raised my voice a few times. It was like a pressure cooker that exploded and made a mess all over the kitchen. You refused to listen or to cooperate as I tried to clean you. I got so frustrated at having to deal with giving directions to a child who probably doesn't understand half of what I was saying.
I sent you straight to bed, needing a few moments of peace before my own bedtime. But peace didn't come. I was regretful. I was so mad at myself for letting you down. All I could think of as I lay there in the bed was your little sad eyes before putting you in bed. Your look of confusion.....maybe because you didn't understand why my tone was so angry or maybe because you didn't understand why mommy was being so mean. Either way, those thoughts were planted in my mind all night.
Then this morning, I walked in to wake you up, so excited to see you. And as I opened the door, you lifted your head slightly from the pillow and grinned at me. I stood you up, wondering if all was 'ok' with us. You immediately grabbed me around the neck and hung on. Warmth and love spread through me completely. I do not know if you had forgiven me or if you even remembered the events from last night. All I know is that you have an unconditional love for me that is unimaginable. You held on to me like you hadn't seen me in weeks, although it had only been a few short night hours.
I asked the Lord to forgive me before waking you this morning, and I made sure to ask you to as well. I know I am sure to fail you again, as I am human. But with the Lord's help, I will not raise my voice like that to you again. I will not allow my flesh, my stress, my impatience to get the best of me in those trying situations again. I love you so very much and I am so glad that you love me too....
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