diagnosis

Diagnose: to determine the identity of (a disease, illness, etc.) by a Medical examination
Dianosis: the art or act of identifying a disease from its signs and symptoms


There is one thing that I have longed for ever since I knew that Bailey was different....a dianosis. It seemed that this was not so much to ask for, doctors diagnose people every day, no big deal. But who knew that 8 years later, I would be no closer to a diagnosis?

I guess the first doctor simply mentioned PDD (pervasive developmental disorder) in passing. He didn't really tell us what it was or how to treat it. What did this mean? I was certainly not happy with this diagnosis, or lack of one.

Then the second doctor told me that she had autism....or was in the autism spectrum (which is another way of saying, 'we really don't know what's going on with your daughter")

I've had others say, "no, she's not autistic....look at what great eye contact she makes and she's so affectionate." or "she doesn't really excel at anything, therefore she's not autistic."

i've even had a lady who seemed smarter than me, i mean, i AM just a mom; tell me that she was MR (mentally retarded) this was after an iep meeting at school and the psychologist decided to do some 'testing' on bailey. funny how this testing didn't involve bailey at all. in fact, it was just me and this lady in the room. she pulls out a paper, a test, of sorts. she begins to ask me questions about bailey, like a multiple choice quiz or something. when all was said and done, bailey didn't score well enough to be autistic. how bad is that, that my daughter couldn't even score a good grade on the 'are you strange enough to be autistic according to the stupid questions i'm asking' test.

i remember looking at her for the answer then. what is she if she's not autistic? PDD is a huge umbrella of things, but so is autism. she, in her 'oh so educated yet trying to be sympathetic' way of looking at me lowered her voice and said, "so will you agree with me that she will be labeled MR?" i don't even remember what i told her at that point. MR? seriously?!

i don't buy that at all. if you pull her chart at school, that is the label you will find. MR. but i can't and will not agree with that. on her next doctor visit, (neurologist #5) i told her that i would really like a diagnosis because it gets very old when people ask what is wrong with bailey for me to answer, "Uhhhh, i don't know." well, the response from her doctor was this....again with the super 'i'm trying empathize with you' eyes, "well, there are just some things we cannot diagnose. sometimes we just don't know."

what?! i'm paying you a jabillion dollars that i don't have for you to tell me you don't know either?

so here we are, my little misfit, undiagnosed, not quirky enough to be autistic, but slow enough to be MR, and delayed enough to be PPD daughter and us....without a clear concise diagnosis.

so what do we say now when people ask? well, michael and i have decided that no one, not the doctors or the psychologists or school or anyone, knows bailey dyan wiggins better than we do. and we believe she IS autistic. maybe it's not full blown autism, maybe she does have some MR mixed in with all of it, but in our heart of hearts, we feel that she truly is in the autism spectrum. therefore, if you ask me what is wrong with bailey....other than first saying, "There is nothing WRONG with her." i will tell you that she is autistic.

after all, no matter what label is placed upon my precious angel, it does not change who she is or how she is treated.